Tag Archives: Overcoming

The Antidote for Control

If you’re anything like me, giving up control can be a difficult thing. When we got married, Cody took over our finances. I was always better with money, in my opinion, but I realized this was an area I should let my husband oversee. As frightening as it was at first, since my husband thinks the Apple store is more like a candy store, I let go. My confidence in his ability to oversee our resources brought more respect to him than anything I could say in words. Trust

But it was more than confidence that allowed me to take my hands off the steering wheel, and let him drive. It was trust. I trusted my husband to take care of us, to make sure we were tithing, giving, saving, paying off debt, and paying bills on time. This trust didn’t come overnight. It was built overtime. It was built through love.

Trust is the antidote for control. When we learn to trust God with our lives we will realize we need to give up our elusion of control. He’s ultimately in control of our lives anyway, but he’s a gentleman. He will wait, patiently for us to realize his rightful place in our lives.

But how do we get to a place where we trust God? I mean, trust Him completely, with every aspect of our lives. Well, it takes time, but not just time like the span of a couple years, it takes time spent, time spent and invested in Jesus and your relationship with him. Cody and I didn’t just date for a year, we spent time together, everyday of that year, getting to know each other’s hearts, minds, dreams, fears, strengths and weaknesses.

The more time you spend with Christ, the more you’ll learn to trust Him. You will begin to see that He always has your best interest in mind. You might even see that in his love, he withholds the things we’ve been trying to control until we learn to submit under his leadership.

Trust is the antidote for control. So let me ask you: Do you trust Him? Do you trust that He knows what is best for you? Are you willing to give up the control and allow Him to do miraculous things in your life? When you are, you will walk into a life free from the worry of control, a life full of trust.

Share your thoughts on trust, in the comments below.

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The Need for Control

FearIt all started back when wearing fig leaves was cool, back when Adam and Eve and their choice to eat the infamous forbidden fruit caused our demise. We’ve all heard the story before: the rebellious woman ate the fruit and gave some to her passive husband. If you’ve read any John Eldridge books you’re familiar with the fall of man and what it has done to the hearts and minds of men and women since that moment. What’s interesting to me, if you continue to look at women throughout the Bible, you’ll often find a controlling tendency under the innocence.

Take a look at Sarah, Abraham’s wife. Since she thought she was barren, she took it into her own hands to make sure her husband had a child. She gave her maidservant to her husband and they had a child. But was that God’s original plan?

What about Rebekah, Isaac’s wive? Wanting her favorite son to have the father’s blessing, she disguised Jacob and sent him to his father once Esua was out hunting.

Rachel, Jacob’s wife was barren. In her fear and worry, she demanded he give her a son. When she still could not conceive she too gave her maidservant to her husband to bare a child.

Where does this need for control come from? I believe that every woman who has a tendency to control fears something. Fear is the fuel behind control. Show me a woman who controls and I will show you a woman who fears something.

The single woman who tends to always control the relationships she’s in fears being alone. The problem is, the more she controls, the more destruction she brings to those relationships.

The wife who controls her husband fears that one day he will leave her. The problem is, the more she controls, the more he may want to leave her!

The woman who controls her children either fears that they won’t turn out right, or that something bad might happen to them. The problem is, the more she controls, the greater the risk of them rebelling, or growing up without a mind of their own.

Fear fuels our need for control. It is the root of control. Insecurity–not being sure, certain or secure, makes us do things that are not healthy for our relationships. Tomorrow, we will look at the antidote for control.

Until then, share your thoughts on fear. What do you fear? Do you find that you try to control things because of your fear? Think back over the last month. Have you tried to control situations, people, outcomes? Why? What is the root of your fear?

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Control–The Daughter of Insecurity

Control. It’s a funny thing. Elusive, though it may be, the minute we think we have it, is probably the minute it couldn’t be farther from our grasp. When we think we have it we feel a sense of security. But if we were to take the rose-tinted glasses off, we’d realize it is a false security, one that only hushes the whines of our worries for a brief moment. Control is the daughter of insecurity. And buying into the lie that we are in control will only keep the chains of insecurity wrapped tightly around us. Puppeteering

As women, control is our security blanket. If we think we’re in control than we feel better about the situation. If we know we’re not in control, we will do anything to try and take it back. A few “hypothetical” stories will help us grasp a better understanding and might shed some light on our own tendancies to take control.

There was a woman I once knew who was so controlling she repelled everyone around her. Her children were the main recipients of her controlling behavior, however her controlling nature always found a way to overflow into the other relationships around her. As a successful business woman she used the thing she felt would bring her the most security: money. She used money to control those around her, including her children, friends, friends of her children and anyone she felt like she needed to control. This woman never smiled.

Early in my marriage I noticed I would often use my emotions to try and make my husband do what I wanted. I quickly found out, he wasn’t falling for my covert manipulation. When I realized this was a form of control and ultimately a form of insecurity I had to do some soul searching. Since then I always check myself to make sure I’m not using my tears, anger, or silence to control my husband and make him do what I want.

If control is the daughter of insecurity than worry and fear are the sisters of control. These illegitamate children of insecurity must be stopped. In the next few posts we’ll be taking a more in depth look at why we feel the need to control, and the andadote for taking care of our controlling tendancies.

In the mean time, share your thoughts on the subject of control. Do you find yourself trying to control people around you? Where does this need come from? How does this affect your relationships?

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Are You Leaky?

LeakyAs we continue the talk of overcoming insecurity I have to make a statement.

Some of the women I meet with about the issue of overcoming insecurity think that once they’ve reached freedom, they’ve arrived. Once they’ve tasted what life is like without worrying what others think of them, or without believing the lies of the enemy than, in essence, they’re done. So they stop doing the things they did to get out of the pit of insecurity, thinking that the freedom they have found will carry them the rest of the way. But the sad truth is: we’re leaky. We forget the words that set us free, the truths that made us whole, and we slip, ever so slowly, back into our old habits and our old way of thinking. I want to give us a thought to remember when it comes to the continuity of overcoming insecurity.

Overcoming insecurity is NOT a destination we arrive at… it is an everyday journey, a daily practice of renewing our minds and thoughts.

Like any other sin, addiction, or struggle we want to overcome, we must continually pursue a life-style out of insecurity. This means different things for different people, but here are four things you can do when you feel yourself slipping back into those old self-degrading thoughts.

1. Check your God time–Inevitably, when we start to feel great about ourselves and who we are sometimes God gets the shaft! Make sure time with the Lord is at the highest priority. Otherwise it is a lot easier for those negative thoughts to find their way inside the mind.

2. Make others the focus–Remember, insecurity is a selfish sin. Continue to overcome it by focusing your thoughts and attention on others!

3. Don’t dwell on the negative–Insecurity is fueled by negative thinking. When you catch yourself popping a squat in the murky waters of negativity it’s time to give yourself a mental shake!

4. Truth trumps all–Remember that truth is truth no matter who believes it… might as well believe it!

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How Using Math Can Help You Overcome Insecurity

Math GeniusHere’s an equation: Lie + Lie = >truth Translation: Lie plus lie equals less than truth.

If you believe a lie long enough, hard enough eventually people will begin to believe it as truth, even though it may not be true. I can’t get out of my head how vital this equation is when it comes to insecurity.

Let me give you an example: Whatever you believe about yourself, be it low thoughts of yourself, high thoughts, no thoughts, eventually that’s what people will believe about you too. Understanding this concept is so vitally important.

  • If you don’t believe that what you have to say matters… others won’t believe it matters either.
  • If you don’t think you can do something… others won’t think you can do it either.
  • If you think you’re insecure, you will act insecure… causing others to believe you’re insecure. (A lie)
  • Add some of your own…

Whatever you believe about yourself is how your actions and behaviors will follow your line of thinking. What we believe about ourselves determines our behaviors, and in turn effects what others believe about us as well.

We can teach others what to think about us by the way we think of ourselves.

But if this equation about believing lies is real, than the same must be true for believing truth.

Equation: Lie + Lie = {TRUTH} Translation: Lie plus Lie equals TRUTH without limits.

If you believe a truth often enough, hard enough, eventually you and the people around you will believe it as truth as well.

If what we believe really does effect how we act and who we are, shouldn’t we start believing the truth?

  • Truth: You are God’s workmanship. Created in Christ Jesus to do good works!
  • Truth: You are God’s masterpiece. Perfectly woven together and known from birth!
  • Truth: You are God’s chosen one. Set apart as His child before you ever took a breath!

That is truth, no matter how you feel, what you think, or what others say…

Truth is truth no matter who believes it. Might as well believe it.

Do you have a hard time believing the truth about yourself?

How do you think this hinders us in our lives?

What will you do TODAY to start living in God’s TRUTH?

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How Bad Do You Want It?

How bad do you want it?

This phrase has marked my journey for the last four years. I now realize it is the question that holds most people back from the things they want the most.

I’ve often heard people say things like:

“I want to  lose this extra weight.”

“I want to get that promotion at work.”

“I want to go back and finish school.”

“I want to find my soul mate.”

“I want to fulfill my dream.”

I hear these phrases often, but just as often, nothing happens. Here’s the question I want to ask when I hear those phrases.

How bad do you want it?

Can you see it? Can you feel it? Does the lack of progress make you angry? Can you taste it? Can you hear it? Do you want it? Do you WANT it?

How bad do you want it? The answer to this question will take you to your next step. So…

…How bad do you want it?

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How to Do What You Never Thought You Could Do

Recently I heard something that really got my attention. “The three most important areas of life are: our thoughts, our words and our actions.”

I know this is true from personal experience. When I was overweight I used this method to help me start losing.

I started thinking more positively about myself. Instead of looking in the mirror and telling myself I was fat, I looked in the mirror and told myself how hot I was going to look after I lost my weight.

Then I started telling everyone about my goal. “I’m going to lose 20 pounds.” I told everyone, my parents, friends, enemies, and even strangers at the gym. Speaking it out loud made it final. Speaking it out loud made it MINE. (Note: I didn’t say, “I want to lose 20 pounds.” I said, “I AM going to lose 20 pounds.” There’s a big difference.

Then of course, I started working toward my goal. There’s something about telling everyone you know about your goal that actually makes you do it. It’s accountability in the worst and best way! So…

Is there something in your life you want to do? Some goal you want to accomplish? Some sin you want to overcome?

  • It all starts with your thoughts. Focusing your thoughts can bring huge changes in your life. Start thinking about what you want to do.
  • Then you speak it. Speak whatever it is to anyone and everyone who will listen.
  • After you’ve done those two things, you take action. Do what you’ve been talking and thinking about doing, and don’t worry about failing.

I know that if you can master those three areas of life nothing can hold you back.

Is there something in your life that you want to accomplish, or change?

Think it, Speak it, Do it!

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