Category Archives: Overcoming Insecurity

Part 2 In_Security Book Radio Interview

 radio-microphoneHey guys,

Part 2 of the radio interview I did on Shifting the Atmosphere with Frederica is available for you to listen.

This segment is all about insecurity in relationships, focusing mostly on insecurity in marriage. I am so passionate about this topic. I hope you will listen and be encouraged and inspired to live free.

Click here to access the latest episode. 

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Insecurity and Self-Promotion

I used to be afraid of what people thought, especially when it came to self-promotion. Mega Phone

Anytime I shared a blog, a piece of writing meant for encouragement, or news about how my latest ventures were going, I would fearfully wonder if others would pass me off as a shameless self-promoter bragging about my accomplishments. This fear kept me from writing or creating anything new which made me feel purposeless, insignificant and ineffective in my gifts and calling as a writer.

Then I realized the only reason I feared people’s judgment was because I, myself, judged others too harshly. Ultimately, I had to lay down that judgment and fear if I wanted to keep creating.

God spoke to me quite clearly one morning during my Jesus time, as I was complaining about all this. He said, “You’re not promoting yourself, or your message. You’re promoting Me and Mine.”

I was giving myself too much credit and that was causing fear to hold me back from something God was calling me to do. When I got out of my own way I began to see much more clearly what I needed to do.

Do you know when the fear of what people think goes away? It’s when you do the thing He’s asking you to do. Not before. Not during… but after you’ve obeyed. That fear will always be there until you step out in faith and obedience to the calling He’s given you.

So, if there’s something He’s asked you to do don’t let the fear of what others think hold you back. You have no idea the blessings on the other side of obedience.

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The Path to Your Greatest Impact

Below is an article I wrote for Paramount Business Coach blog and website.

Insecurity.

The word alone elicits feelings close to shame, self-doubt, and embarrassment. Feelings we like to pretend aren’t there. But over the last several years, as I have observed, researched, and uncovered all I could about this word Insecurity, for my book In_Security: Break Free from what Holds You Back, I’ve discovered everyone struggles with some form of insecurity or another. It is not gender specific, age specific, or career specific. It is a human problem, manifesting itself in as many different ways as the individuals it infects.

It is fascinating to me, really. All the different facets that come from such a universal feeling that most are unwilling to talk about. And why are we unwilling to discuss it? Because of insecurity. We don’t want to look weak. We don’t want to admit that, we too, have moments of doubt, fear, and uncertainty. This might ruin our reputation. People might not take us seriously. After all, we’re taught that “positive thoughts breed positive action” and while that may be true, complete avoidance of our insecurities may not be the answer. Through much of my research I have discovered a surprising, yet helpful fact about our greatest insecurities.

“The path to your greatest impact is often through your greatest insecurity.” 

I’ll share from my own journey. I’ve struggled for years feeling insecure about writing. Not just writing, but sharing my writing with others. Putting myself out there for acceptance or for ridicule. Because of this, I remained in a state of apathetic complacency, swatting away the gentle reminders to use the gift I had been given, convinced it was worthless. I knew for ten years I was supposed to write a book—not only a book—but a book about overcoming insecurity. The ironic thing is I was insecure about writing a book about insecurity! So I put it off. For ten years. Doing nothing also left me empty. Not only empty, but feelings of self-contempt continued to increase for the constant procrastination and waste of precious time and talent. I didn’t know what was worse: Facing the fear of completing, publishing and marketing the book, or living with regret. I finally started writing, and I can tell you from experience, facing the fear is the way to go.

Along this journey, many others have confirmed the same feelings as they’ve shared their insecurities with me. Is it possible that the very thing holding us back could be the launchpad of a great calling we’re too afraid to step into? Could our insecurities be an indicator of the path we need to take?

We could say it like this: insecurity is the neon sign that points to a life of purpose, freedom, and fulfillment. The more insecure and fearful you are about that path reveals just how important it is that you take it. We just have to fight our way past the insecurity that threatens to leave us stagnant.

Here are three things to watch for as you embark on your own fight to overcome the insecurity holding you back from your greatest impact.

Self Regard 

Your personal self-regard will reflect in every interaction you have. The way you think about yourself will teach, inform, and direct others to think about you the same way. The problem with this, is oftentimes, we are riddled with self-doubt, fear, and insecurity when faced with a risk we want to take. We want others to believe in us, but we first must believe in ourselves. Do you want to know a great way to have a better self-regard? Do the things you say you’re going to do. Not just the promises you make to others. Keep the promises you make to yourself. That’s where the real test of self-integrity is given and where positive self-regard will grow. Have a phone call you need to make? Put it on your calendar and make it. That idea you’ve been sitting on? Get the prototype going. The thing on your list you are most afraid of? Do it first. Taking small steps to keep the promises you make to yourself will help foster personal trust. If you can trust yourself that you’ll do what you know you need to do, you’ll be unstoppable.

What Will People Think? 

This fear is deep-rooted in our human desire to be accepted and most of the time we tend to avoid moving forward if there is a chance of rejection or judgement. What if I fail? What if this idea doesn’t work? What if they say no? What will people think if…? The great news is: people don’t think about you. Do you want to know why? They are too worried about themselves to put any real emotional energy into thinking about you. And even if they do think or speak negatively about you, it’s most likely because you’re doing something they aren’t doing and they misplace personal resentment into negative jealousy. Holding yourself back based on a fear of what others think is a waste of time and a trap designed to keep you from moving forward. Recognize it, and walk through it.

The Resistance 

Whether we agree or not on the existence of a Higher Being, a Master Creator, Mother Earth, the Power Within, or God, I know we can all agree that we have an enemy working against us. I call it a spiritual enemy because I believe in God and the spiritual realm that’s waging war in the unseen. Steven Pressfield simply calls it Resistance—the enemy within, who,  by the way “is always lying and always full of shit.” If you have ever dreamed of becoming more than you are, you have experienced Resistance. It’s that little voice inside (or big voice, depending on how good we’ve gotten at ignoring it) that wants to take us out.

What insecurity holds you back? What is keeping you from taking the next step in your journey, business, dream or life? Is it any wonder you feel uncertain, cautious, or doubtful in your approach to this sensitive issue? There is so much working against you. Our enemy knows your potential and fears what could happen if you not only knew your greatest calling, but walked in it confidently. Why do you think he works so hard to make you feel incompetent, unqualified, fearful, or even undeserving? So you’ll avoid the work.

So, maybe you don’t believe in the devil, but you know the Resistance I’m talking about. Think about it. Oftentimes, it is the unknown that makes us feel unsure or insecure. It is the risk that makes us fearful. Most of the time when we’re faced with insecure feelings our instinct is to back-track or avoid those situations or talk ourselves out of what we know we need to do. If we but understood the path to our greatest calling is often through our greatest insecurity, we could plunge headfirst into that destiny, knowing that great blessing is waiting on the other side.

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GIVEAWAY

**GIVEAWAY**
We had a record-breaking month of book sales for the month of July!! I’m in awe of the way God has blessed the obedience of writing my story. I’m humbled at the number of messages I receive everyday from people fighting for freedom, practicing freedom, and celebrating freedom from what holds them back!
Because of His blessing, I want to BE a blessing! That’s why I’m doing a GIVEAWAY!
I’m giving away a book, with a freedom necklace, AND a $20 StarBucks gift card to THREE LUCKY WINNERS! (Drawing will be done Saturday, August 6th)

Like my page 
share the post on your timeline, and
comment below for a chance to win.
‪#‎thebestisyettocome‬

IMG_9930

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Self Sabotage

The decision to make a change can be a frightening thing, and the enemy will come at us even stronger than before. Remember, a free person is a dangerous person to the enemy, so he will try to destroy our progress through self-sabotage.

I am a recovering self-saboteur. As I have overcome this bad habit, I have noticed a few reasons we may find it easy to fall prey to sabotaging our own best intentions

We believe we’re not worth it, or we don’t deserve it.

This is a common lie of the enemy, especially among women. Relational sabotage is wrapped up in this lie: “Go ahead, settle for what is less than best. You’re not worth the wait… the trouble… the work. You do not deserve to feel loved… pretty… fought for… pursued.” Fill in the blank. If we fall for this lie, we will self- sabotage by selling ourselves short. If no one has ever told you, I’m telling you now: You are worth the fight and the time it takes to make a change.

We allow our feelings or emotions to dictate our actions.

Most women, and maybe a few men, know this all too well. Many of our goals, dreams and visions are delayed, destroyed or dismissed when we allow our emotions to control us. Don’t get me wrong, feelings and emotions can be good things. God made us emotional, but our emotions and feelings can sabotage us if we do not bring them under His authority, focusing them in a positive way. A Bible reading plan I followed recently talked about our emotions and how they travel 80,000 times faster than our thoughts travel. Knowing this can help us understand why we sometimes act on our feelings even when we know the right things to do. Ever wonder why the Bible says to “Guard your heart.”? (Proverbs 4:23) Because from it springs our feelings and emotions. It is not only talking about guarding it from outside predators, but also guarding the emotions that may want to come out of it, if they are not in line with God’s leadership. A mentor of mine likes to say, “feelings are rarely our friends.” When we allow our feelings to control us we never know what may happen or where we may end up. Finding freedom from insecurity is not a practice in feelings, but a practice in choice.

Laziness.

Of course, it is easier to skip our Bible reading, not practice our sport, not eat healthy, craft or art, or sit down and accomplish what God has called us to do. It takes a lot less effort to let our thoughts run wild, or our mouths say what they want. Doing what we know we need to do is the harder thing. If it wasn’t hard, it wouldn’t be worth it. We have to get off the couch of our mind and stand up for our freedom. No one else is going to do it for us! We must not allow laziness to cripple something God is calling us to do. “What one does is what counts. Not what one had the intention of doing.”—Picasso.

Fear of change.

Oftentimes, it is this fear that keeps us taking one step forward and two steps back. We impede our progress because we fear how progress might change our lives. We fear failure, but we also fear success. We keep ourselves in our comfort zones, even though we are screaming to get out. We are playing tug-of-war with our flesh and spirit and the one who is going to win is the one we feed more. If our flesh is stronger, we will never change. We will stay in the prison of insecurity because that is where it is safe. It is what we have always known. As He asked the man waiting to be healed, Jesus is asking us, “Do you want to be free?” We keep ourselves living an okay life, when God has an unimaginably magnificent life waiting for us on the other side of change. Yes, change is scary. It is the unknown that stretches itself out across the expanse of our mind and keeps us from taking that first step forward. It is okay to feel afraid, but step out anyway. It is only when we step out of our comfort zone— step out of our bondage— that we will discover the life God designed for us all along.

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When You Know Who You Are…

Re-reading through one of my favorite book of poems and this short verse caught my attention:

I have done one braver thing
Than all the Worthies did,
And yet a braver thence doth spring,
Which is, to keep that hid-John Donne

It makes me think of Jesus when Paul reminds us that: “Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;”
Philippians 2:6

It reminds me that when my identity is firmly placed in Him and I know who I am, I don’t have to worry who else knows who I am, or what I have accomplished. True validation comes from knowing Him and being known by Him. When He knows who I am and I know who I am in Him, that becomes enough.

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Don’t Be a No-Sayer

I used to secretly resent the work of God in other people’s lives… especially when that work looked like success. Anytime someone would share a major victory, or accomplish a goal, I would silently stew, or pass over their announcement without a “like”, a congratulations, or a share, because I was jealous they were doing something and I was not. I soon discovered this was a form of insecurity.

I was not a nay-sayer, I was a no-sayer. To me, that’s worse.

Since getting to work on what I know God has called me to do, I’ve lost that jealousy and insecurity because now I know the hard work, dedication, commitment, doubt, fear, the almost-giving up that goes into accomplishing something God asks. Celebrating the work of God in another person’s life, does not diminish the work of God in your own life. In fact, NOT celebrating with others could affect God’s ability to work through you.

Don’t be a no-sayer.

If you find yourself resenting the success in other’s lives, let me be an encouragement to you: break through that stronghold of insecurity with celebration, and then get to work on what he’s called you to do.

When you do it’s Him who gets the glory.
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A Surprising, Yet Helpful Fact About Our Insecurities

A few weeks ago I posted a reader survey on my blog to help me identify my audience and give me a better idea of the kind of content to create moving forward. Some interesting things came out of that survey. I found out that,

  • 90% of my readers are women
  • 60% of those women are between the ages of 25-34 and
  • 80% of my readers come from Facebook.

However, the most interesting thing that came from the survey inspired a new thought I want to share with you.

When asked for the greatest insecurity they face, 80% said basically the same thing in several different ways… “My greatest insecurity is finding worth in being a good mom, or parent.”

This confirmed a thought I have been mulling around for a while now, that

The path to your greatest calling is often on the other side of your greatest insecurity. 

We could say it like this: insecurity is the neon sign that points to a life of purpose, freedom, and contentment. We just have to fight our way past it, through it, over it. This applies to anyone in any area of insecurity, not just moms or parents.

I’ve struggled for years feeling insecure about writing. Not just writing, but sharing my writing with others. I remained in a state of apathetic complacency, swatting away the gentle reminders to use the gift I had been given, convinced it was worthless. Others have confirmed the same feelings as they’ve shared their insecurities with me. Motherhood, weight, body image, approaching old age, singleness, finances, employment, purposelessness, and pain from the past. Is it possible that the very thing holding us back could be the source of a great calling we’ve yet to realize?

What insecurity holds you back? Is it any wonder you feel unsure, uncertain, cautious, or doubtful in your approach to this sensitive issue? There is so much working against you. Our enemy knows your potential and fears what could happen if you not only knew your greatest calling, but walked in it confidently. Why do you think he works so hard to make you feel incompetent, unqualified, fearful, or even undeserving? So you’ll avoid it.

Think about it. Oftentimes, it is the unknown that makes us feel unsure or insecure. Most of the time when we’re faced with insecure feelings our instinct is to back-track or avoid those situations or circumstances. If we can’t avoid them, then our other option is to live in fear and dejection of the circumstances that bring feelings of insecurity. But if we understood the path to our greatest calling is often on the other side of our greatest insecurity, we could plunge headfirst into that area of insecurity, knowing that great blessing is waiting on the other side. Because the good news is, there is also much working for you.

The Blessing on the Other Side

The blessing found on the other side of anyone’s insecurity is an absolute reliance on Jesus. You can’t make it through any other way. Freedom from the insecurity is just icing on the cake. The real prize is living a life dependent on Him. When you do there is nothing that can hold you back.

He knows this. Your enemy knows this. Now, you need to know it.

It’s the reason our good God will sometimes place our calling on the other side of insecurity. His number one desire is for you and your heart. He knows to reach that calling you’ll have to go through Him, to Him and with Him.

It’s also the reason your enemy wants you to stay in the bondage of insecurity. His number one desire is for you to stay as far away from God as possible. The enemy also knows to reach your calling you’ll have to go through God, to God and with God. It’s why he works so hard to keep you from moving forward.

The choice is and always has been yours to make. Will you stay stuck in the bondage of fear and avoidance, or will you take your Savior’s hand and walk confidently toward your calling, no matter what it takes?

“For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13

“…my power is made perfect in weakness……For when I am weak, then I am strong.”              2 Cor. 12:9-10

 

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